Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
