Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
