Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
