guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
