All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
