That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
how do flat chested girls get laid?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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