My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
