so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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