She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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