I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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