Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize