i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
