I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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