I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
