You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
