walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
