she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Let's get the cat blown out
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
