Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
