There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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