After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
