I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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