Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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