I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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