I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
