I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize