So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Come on in and take your pants off
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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