i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
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