Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
