he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
