she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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