ADVERTISEMENT

• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.

  Fav 4 3221 811

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.

  Fav 12 966 4949

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.

  Fav 34 829 4912

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.

  Fav 15 6509 1180

  share tweet
  

• (425): View more from Washington

  oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog

  Fav 30 6697 1794

  share tweet
  

• (510): View more from California

  ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!

  Fav 7 3765 1290

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (319): View more from Iowa

  You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.

  Fav 2 1672 1060

  share tweet
  

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  How about a mike?

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Already had two of those

  Fav 4 1797 903

  share tweet
  

• (802): View more from Vermont

  i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording

  Fav 7 2116 830

  share tweet
  

• (760): View more from California

  This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful

  Fav 1 725 548

  share tweet
  

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.

  Fav 0 356 524

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.

  Fav 1 227 481

  share tweet
  

• (513): View more from Ohio

  I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...

  Fav 0 72 6

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.

  Fav 1 28 7

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (303): View more from Colorado

  I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese

  Fav 0 46 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize