I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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