i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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