The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
