I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
