Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
vagina is talking i cant
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
