My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
