is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
