I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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