Me too!
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
