can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
