Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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