The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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