Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
