she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I love you. Go after that dick
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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