we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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