You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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