Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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