The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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