Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
