if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize