Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
