he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
