can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
