Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
