you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
