No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
