I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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