i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
