i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
