I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
