On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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