New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
